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Raging Drive

Raging Drive

1 May ’14 12:08 pm

Modern saying said: ‘assume people driving on the street are all idiot, you’re gonna be fine’. Partly this is true, because convoluted traffic mess in this city, but I discovered something new while I was taking driving lessons from some prick. ‘Assume people are posessed by satan and his kin behind the wheel’. Now now, corrected.

Under whatsoever reasons, somebody made me take driving lesson while I was in high school, mind you it is EASY to get driving license here even without proper requirements, and considered normal in such young age to be able driving car here. I even have driving license since high school without realizing until recently.

Now back to driving lessons several years ago, there is this old man and woman who lived near main road in my home area, as you can tell, they are teaching how to drive and my mom decided to enlist me. You know without such motivation to drive a car, I thought anybody can drive a car with proper training, I mean why not? It’s gonna be fun, I think. Oh I never been such an idiot.

  • The day one is literally pain in the rear. Made up of two hours just to get the fucking car to move forward! Goddamn piece of rust won’t move for more than three meters, it kept gagging and going off. The instructor told me to balance the clutch pedal and acceleration pedal to move forward, the me being dumbshit, thought the car would move like in need for speed or nascar or whatever stuff made my childhood. Oh god why the car didn’t just use two pedals for move and stop. Losing the patience, the instructor told me to motivate myself such as, imagine i want to impress my girlfriend’s parents when i pick her up, but I have no girlfriend and not planning to get one, so I’m screwed.
  • Day two, the car finally moves forward on several attempts, but the holdup was happening while stopping for traffic and/or traffic jam. I can tell the instructor are fucking annoyed and I have yet to estimate my left side to make sure I don’t hit something (in asia the driver’s seat are on the right – and to make matter worse, several roads are only enough-for-two-cars-wide), several yelling are ensued every 5 minutes,
    “hey watch your left”
    “don’t you see that”
    “goddamn watchout”
    “i seek forgiveness from Allah”.
    And trust me, i’ve tried to ask him how to measure my left, he only answered “watch it!”. What do you think I fucking make instant noodle while I watch my left?  THEN WHAT after I watching it?
  • Day three, hillarity still ensues, he told me about drive lane and proper turn sign, but tell you this, the car is damn old, like the owner itself. An old 1980 toyota corolla or datsun, I cannot remember, but the toggle stick are very close to steering wheel and very loose, only a tiny shock from slight speed bump will turn the damn thing on.
    carOh unaccounted times I never intended to turn the signal, but the instructor keeps yelling to me “BY ALLAH, WHAT DO YOU TURN YOUR SIGNAL FOR? We’re not turning”, tried to explain to him but it seems to beating a dead horse, tell you what, this is his angriest day of the whole lesson.
  •  Day four, the horror still lingering. Now for parking and inclined road, the lessons is a bit easy from the last day, because he intend to do a “free driving” lesson: left me for fooling around in open field while he’s going for breakfast.
  •  Day five is the same day as before, the free range lesson. I know he can’t be bothered to teach the moron. Until the lesson is over, I still cannot drive a car until this day.

The lesson left me a bitter taste in my mouth, I even dared to feel happy when the long holiday is over and back to school! It is that bad.

10 years later, present day, my mom decided to enlist me again in driving lesson, I strongly against it, but somehow I can’t just refuse it, because this is the only moment I have an abundance of free time. So bracing myself for hell, I took the driving lesson while overbiting my jaw all the time.

  • Day one begins unexpectly good, the faint lingering body memories from past lesson did great though, the instructor didn’t posessed by satan it seems.
  • Day two taking the unexpected twist. Somehow he showed different personalities than the first day, suddenly he’s so aggravated, yelling and cursing like I was going to rape her daughter! What the heck did I do? I remember it all comes to different styles of driving, his instructions are not all that clear.
    For many times when he said TURN LEFT at intersection, he meant to pull over to the left and stop to instruct me, NOT really TURN LEFT!
    When he said LEFT, I tried to slowly pull over and decellerates, but all he really meant is TURNING LEFT! And yelling to go quickly before I jam the traffic! Jeez what the fuck! I immediately know, teaching or communicating isn’t his strong suit.
  • Day three is worsening, we took a route around the city that ONLY HE KNOWS THE DAMN ROUTE, for example, suddenly he told me to turn left without forewarning, , dumbfounded, I turned left, and he yells
    Not now!
    The bike is overtaking you!
    Watch ahead!
    And watch your back!
    Don’t forget your left!
    God hit the brake!
    I said turn left!
    Too much left!
    Confused and amazed how the hell did he telling that at the same time? Confused  as hell, the car suddenly stopped in intersection. Beside yelling things at the same time, he sure knows how to ruin other people’s day, why didn’t he told me the routes where to go, rather than made him pissed himself. End of the day, he asked me if I remember what he taught me yesterday? i made a load of mistakes. Here’s a good one: I never told and taught anything, the first and second day is only a cruise through city.
  • Day four and five is you know, a goddamn free range driving shit! While he helps himself a coffee. So, no parking lesson, no incline lesson, no fucking tricks whatsoever.

Learning to drive with angry instructor is like driving while your passenger nagging about your driving, multiply that by hundred.
So, the result is the same, I still cannot drive goddamn cars, and the advantage of new learner this era is there are exist automatic transmission car which only have two pedals, for accelerate and stop and small compact city car with power steering, something that is very luxurious ten years ago.

I automatically assume all the driving instructor are prone to bad communication/behaviour, and boy I was right. Some hours into googling, there are several worse case of lesson that mine is only a fraction. Some of the example of the most ridiculous line by angry driving instructor are : “you want to argue or drive? If you want to argue, then stop here we’ll argue”. “you are wasting my time and gas”. It’s like they omitted we fucking paid them in advance.

The knocker one at the end of the lesson,
Me : Right sir, that is that, thank you for the time, sorry for made mistakes all the time.
Instructor : oh don’t worry take care while you’re home, heard the traffic cloggin there this time in Woodenhut because of flooding.
Me : don’t worry, i’m not going to Woodenhut, i’m going straight to home, in Sweetdried.
Instructor : What? Sweetdried? I thought you’re the one in Woodenhut? Oh.. no, sorry, the Woodenhut guy is every noon, he’s taller too.
Me : ha ha ha ( THE FUCK!! don’t tell me he mistook me all this time for some other guy!!!!! I’ll really fucking rape your daughter fer real now! )

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